Wedding in Nepal

A short article about how weddings take place in Nepal. How future spouses are looked for, how engagement takes place and the wedding ceremony itself. And of course about the most important role of astrologers and betel chewing in matters of the heart. Nepalese wedding traditions and more.

How to choose a spouse

Traditionally, marriages in Nepal take place with the prior consent of the parents. However, every year “love” marriages are becoming more and more common among young people. Although it would be more correct to call them marriages of one’s own choice))

Engagement

It all starts with the groom's parents sending gifts (usually betel nuts) to the bride's parents. At first, the bride’s parents carefully feign all sorts of disinterest, “turning their noses up,” so to speak. Then the groom's messengers begin to make speeches in every possible way, praising his virtues. After a noisy exchange of gifts and the approval of the groom by the bride's parents, the next stage of the wedding process begins.

Choosing a wedding date

The choice of date is a very important point. There is no way to act at random here, and therefore astrologers calculate the wedding date. Of course, some days and months are considered more favorable, others less so. But if you really need it, you can bribe the astrologer and he will “settle” all the celestial inconsistencies so that the wedding can take place on the day you want. In general, the most popular time for weddings is spring.

Wedding day

A Nepalese wedding is a rather long event that can last almost a week.

In Newar families, this process begins with the groom sending the bride's mother about 4 liters of milk (there is a Nepalese measure of volume called pathi). This gift is a symbolic compensation for the milk that the bride drank from her mother in infancy.

After sunset, the wedding procession forms. The groom is driven to the bride's house in a richly decorated car (before the advent of motor transport, grooms were carried in palanquins) accompanied by musicians and drummers. Upon arrival, guests spend some time chewing betel nut (a popular Southeast Asian stimulating mixture of betel leaves, arrack nuts and white lime).

The bride has not yet shown herself. At midnight she actually leaves the house and goes to spend the night with friends.

Only the next day does she appear at the groom's house for the first time. There she serves betel nut to all family members, including her future husband (his last). The engaged share a meal, after which the bride bows at the feet of the groom.

The wedding ceremony lasts two to three days and every evening the bride returns to her parents' house to spend the night. It is only on the last evening, after an offering of musk (considered an aphrodisiac), that the marriage is finally consummated. The end of the ceremony and the beginning of married life is traditionally celebrated with a festive banquet, where the newlyweds introduce their friends to one another.

It is customary for a girl to behave modestly and look sad when leaving her parents that evening. But here, of course, it’s important not to overdo it so that tears don’t ruin your makeup))

Conclusion

Of course, Nepalese wedding traditions are much more complex and confusing. Moreover, they differ significantly among different tribes and nationalities of Nepal. Therefore, you should not take this article as the ultimate truth. This is just a highly simplified diagram of the most important moments of a NEWAR wedding (ie most likely taking place in the Kathmanud Valley).

By the way, here is a short video from one Nepalese wedding. It happened in Kathmandu, near the Pashupatinath Temple - that same great and terrible crematorium))

Translation and photographs - Kirill Yasko, May 19, 2018